“Dear God: Today I find myself burdened by loneliness and wallowing in my singleness. I know you aim to use my desire to be in an intimate relationship with a man as a means to deepen my relationship with you. Help me to find peace and contentment in my current situation and find my wholeness in you.”

On December 25, 2018, I wrote that prayer on a prayer card and placed it in my prayer box. It was my sign of surrender- surrendering my desires, surrendering my frustrations, and surrendering my doubts over to God.

By the end of 2018, I was approaching 7 years of singleness. Three of those years were spent intentionally single, in that, I devoted my time to heal from past hurts and trauma, as well as deepen my pursuit of Christ. However, during those last four years, I was open to love again but kept finding myself either alone or entertaining individuals who were good and Godly, but who I knew were not the men God had for me.

My frustration existed because I felt like I had been following the recipe for attracting my spouse. I got serious about following Jesus. I took time to pursue healing. I devoted myself to ministry in the church. I committed myself to faithfully parenting my son as a single mom. I didn’t understand why it wasn’t happening and I started to doubt whether God would really deliver on His promise to me. I couldn’t understand why God would make me wait if I was doing what I perceived to be all the right things. But therein laid the problem - my heart posture.

As I leaned into God after writing down that prayer, He showed me that I was carrying an entitlement in my heart where I believed I was owed the desires of my heart. I was operating off of a works-based theology where, because I was doing all the things for God, I expected all the things from God.

It was an uncomfortable and convicting revelation, but it was that prayer and that revelation that marked a new journey of letting go and letting God. Letting go of my entitlement and letting God transform my heart and move in His timing.

Just 4 months after that prayer was written, I met the man who is now my husband at a music festival. One year and one day after that prayer was written we were engaged. Not because I had done anything magical to deserve or earn my husband, but simply because God is gracious, merciful, and true to His Word.

God redeemed my past of relationship trauma and abuse because of His mercy. God gave me a husband who was a direct answer to my prayers of what I wanted in a spouse because of His grace. God delivered on the promise He made me for a husband because He is always faithful, always dependable, and always reliable. God not only gave me the husband I had specifically prayed for, in terms of what I wanted, but He exceeded my expectations by giving me the husband I needed as well. I’ve married a man who is fully reliant on Christ and leads our family and household from that place. As a result, he is a servant leader in our home who anticipates my needs, extends endless amounts of grace and compassion, and is consistently present both physically and emotionally. He is the manifestation of my wildest dreams and greatest hopes.

It’s so important not to fall into the temptation of seeing God’s delay or His quietness as denial or disregard. We serve a compassionate and gracious God who isn’t withholding good things from those who walk with integrity (Psalms 84:11). He simply works in ways and in timing outside of our realm of understanding.

When we can release our will and our desires to Christ, we can trust in Him to align those things with His perfect plan and deliver them to us in His perfect timing. There becomes no need to try to manifest or manufacture things on our own. We simply can trust in God to be who He has always been and who He continues to be.

I’m so grateful God knew enough to know when I was truly ready to embrace and appreciate my husband for who he is. My husband is a man I would have waited a lifetime for because this life we live together is better than I could have ever imagined. We now get to build and create a life together in the most beautiful way according to the will of God for the glory of God.