I’m 68 years old, my sobriety date is Jan 18, 2019, and I’ve been sober for almost 4 years "one day at a time” by the grace of God. I thank Him for doing for me what I couldn’t do for myself. I started my drinking career (I say career because it was hard labor, any alcoholic in recovery will agree with me on that fact.) in my early 20s, drinking beer with ice in it because I didn’t like the way it tasted; however, I was not drinking it for the taste, I was drinking it for the “effect”. Later to add to the “effect”, I started smoking marijuana along with my “iced-down” beer. That combination was just what I needed to make me feel more comfortable in my own skin and to take me away from the way I felt about myself. You see, what I believed about myself was that I was an ugly dumb girl who barely made it out of high school. However, somehow, I managed to attract the high school star athlete in my 12th-grade year, but I ended up pregnant and alone as he left me for someone else. I don’t want to go into my life story, that is not what I am writing about. I am writing about how after almost 40 years of alcohol abuse, I received a gift from GOD.... the gift of desperation.

I was a very high-functioning drunk, who barely missed a day of work due to a hangover; not that I didn’t have hangovers, I just went to work especially towards the end, sick as a dog every day. I had an arsenal of hangover “fixes” in my desk drawer like crackers, ginger ale, 7-up, and ginger candy...... anything that would help with the hangover. I would feel miserable, pretending all was well when I knew it wasn’t. All the while, promising myself that I would not drink anymore and beating myself up about my constant drinking. Convinced that I was through with drinking, until around 2:00 in the afternoon when I started feeling better. The next thing I knew, I would be formulating in my mind which store I was going to go to after work to buy wine, which had become my drink of choice. I stopped marijuana years before and became a connoisseur of wine. I would rotate stores daily so as not to appear to be the drunk that I was.

I had people fooled about my secret life, everyone but me. In denial by choice, because I couldn’t stop drinking no matter how hard I tried. My entire life revolved around my next drink, which store I would hit, how many bottles I needed, and of course, the alcohol content could not be below 13%. I would always go to the grocery store, put some food in my buggy, then go to the wine section and look around to make sure nobody I knew was anywhere around (especially from church). I would place the bottles under the food, scout the store before I went to the check-out counter and just pray nobody from church showed up and caught me buying wine. Like I said, this was hard work. I mean what would I look like as a Sunday School teacher, Praise Team member, and President of the choir buying alcohol? Of course, I was home free when I went out of town as nobody knew me. If there was a chance of inclement weather during the winter, I would make sure I had enough bottles to tie me over until the weather broke and I could get out again.

My life was a vicious cycle that happened over and over with the same promise that I would not drink today, but that promise was never realized. I prayed and prayed that God would remove the taste for alcohol from me year after year after year, and I couldn’t understand why He was not answering my prayers. We should never doubt God’s timing and we should never lose faith that He is going to answer our prayers. Sometimes the answer is “no” and that answer is for our own good. Sometimes the answer is "yes", but it is in His time and in His way. He always has a plan for us.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 For I know the thoughts I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me , and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, I will bring you back from your captivity;

Psalms 34:6-8 This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, and delivers them. Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trust in Him!

You see, even though I cried out to the Lord for years to help me, He answered me when it was time, when I had gotten sick and tired of being sick and tired. When I was at the point of surrendering to the power of the drink, the power of the Lord stepped in and saved me. I cried out to Him with all my soul and declared and decreed that I was a child of the King and that alcohol had no place in my life any longer. That is when He gave me the courage to walk into the doors of AA and admit that I was powerless over alcohol and that I was ready for my Higher Power to restore me to sanity and to turn my will and my life over to Him. Today I am free!!!!