My name is Matthew Elijah Walker, I was born in New York City, and I'll always claim it. Usually, when I think of testimony, I think of those people who talk about a near-death experience they have had or some huge moment that would make a crowd clap and let the church say amen. Something that makes people run down to the altar to get saved themselves. I grew up in a Christian household. Both of my parents were Christians who frequently went to church, and their parents were pastors. So, for me, I knew about God from the jump, and for the most part, I was a good kid. I never had that one big moment that I've crowned to be THE testimony, or honestly, one I thought people would be interested to hear. So, when I think of myself, I easily second guess if I actually have one, and if I don't have one, do I really know God? However, I know I'd be hurting my Heavenly Father's heart if I went on believing and agreeing with those thoughts. Though I still have more to learn about Him, I have experienced Him. 

At the age of 12, I knew I wanted to be saved. My parents didn't push me to do it. They wanted me to choose when that time would be. "Don't just do it to do it, go if you feel called", a man once said to me as my church was doing an altar call. That stuck with me, so I waited. I wanted the time to be right. To know God was calling me down to meet Him and confess Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I couldn't help but think about it, I felt anxious, and I was eager with anticipation. I didn't want to do it for my parents or for anyone else, I wanted it for me. I wanted God to know how I felt about Him. Those thoughts went through my mind as they started an altar call that night as we celebrated our church's anniversary. After all the waiting, I knew couldn't wait any longer. That night, I stepped up and gave my life to God. I was so glad I did because it established a new course in my life and relationship with my Creator. Now at this point, you usually hear how the person's life changed in an instant. Some people leave alcohol or give up drugs and that does happen, but I was 12 so I hadn't experienced life yet. Things did change a bit; I was reading the bible more and trying to be more like Jesus. However, I still had issues or holes in my life. Holes I tried to fill with people, status, pornography, and even a relationship. For a long period, I was using pornography to fill up what I was searching for, love. Thankfully, God helped me escape pornography, but instead of catching the lesson, I sought to fill that hole with my first real relationship.

In college, I met a woman I felt I had a good connection with, I thought she would be my wife. I was so happy I ignored a lot of the things I knew we shouldn't have been doing. I fully indulged in the time spent with her so much so that a day spent without her was not a good day. Then, through COVID-19, everything shut down. In that time alone, God began slowly working on my heart gravitating me towards Him, and ever so kindly removing the relationship. It hurt, it hurt a lot and I tried to do what I could to keep it. At that time, I didn't realize what He was doing. He gave me what I truly needed to fill the holes, Himself. Even now He is still working on me with my need for approval, grand purpose to feel valuable, and fear to move. My testimony is not a moment but it's a process where I can look back at the small moments in my life and see His footprints of how He has kept me and is still, ever so patiently, pulling me closer to Him.  

I am FREED from looking for love in all the wrong places and feeling like I’m not enough; and FREED to find love, approval, and my identity in the on true God who made me and His Son, Jesus, who saved me.