Purpose Redeemed by Rashida Weekes
Six years ago, I was in therapy, fighting for my life. My purpose versus my desires. Picture yourself playing tug-of-war with the enemy for your soul. The deal is, if you win, you’ll be free, but if you lose, you will have to live as a slave to your desires for the rest of your life. This was my life for nine years; it was like being on a rollercoaster with peaks and valleys of fire.
“How did you get here?” one might ask. The desire to be intimate with the same sex was a seed planted as a child and watered with a series of events throughout my adolescence and teenage years. Being touched inappropriately in school, along with exposure to sexual activity, led to promiscuity and the losing of my virginity at 14. Surely now, the seed began to take root, and I held onto the feeling that was growing on the inside of me for many years.
The seed of promiscuity toward women began to blossom at the age of 17, with a young woman who was supposed to be my best friend. Strangely, my feelings and attraction toward her felt like the feeling I would feel toward a man I was interested in. I thought it was a good idea to tell my mom, and hopefully, she would be able to give me some kind of explanation as to why I was feeling those emotions toward another female.
I told my mom, who was a God-fearing woman, and she told me she does not agree with that and it goes against what we believe. The tone in which my mom replied, screaming nothing but pure disappointment and disbelief, left me in emotional confusion where my only response was, “This is how I feel! Help me understand!”
Clearly, no one around me could help me understand or navigate my feelings. Growing up in Barbados, no one dealt with the behaviors of same-sex attraction in a healthy way. The response was usually negative, whether it came from family, friends, or the church community. All they knew was that it was wrong, but no one ever explained why. Therefore, I took matters into my own hands to find answers about same-sex attraction by searching the Bible and asking God a series of questions.
“Lord, you are love, and I am in love, so how is this wrong?” “Lord, it feels wrong, but it feels right.” “Lord Jesus, you died for our sins, so as long as I ask for forgiveness, I’m good, right?” I was so confused. I thought if I had sex with a female, it would kill my curiosity, and I would recommit my life to Christ and live out my God-given purpose. Boy, was I wrong!
By the age of 24, I had already experienced numerous relationships with women, one I was willing to go to hell for, literally, but one day I had a dream of God yelling, “You need to stop this!” I knew at that point it was time to run for my life. I started going to church, praying, and worshiping consistently, but that wasn’t enough because I was backsliding and repenting a lot. During this time, I began to pray for deliverance for my girlfriend. I would tell her how guilty I felt after our sexual encounters, and eventually, I began to see a change in our behavior toward each other. I suggested that we need therapy for help, so we stop living this non-fulfilling rollercoaster of a life. This life hindered me from pursuing my purpose.
This young lady finally told me we should go to counseling, but this time we had broken up, and she started dating a man. It was the hardest soul-tie and deliverance I ever asked God to be freed from. It took us not talking for a long time while going to therapy, staying consistent and with my relationship with God, having wise counsel and accountability to help me when temptation showed up. My therapist was a woman of God, and that was a gift from God; she never threw the Bible at me, but the way God orchestrated her gift to help me, I knew it was God, and this time I was going do the work to be finally free to passionately pursue the purpose God had planned for my life.
This year makes five years of freedom, five years of consistently pursuing my purpose. It has not been easy, but I was determined to be all that God has called me to be. From being in the military to joining a nursing program to successfully finishing hair school. Today, I am a successful master stylist and an online vegan nutritionist helping men and women create generational health by providing courses, training, and meal guides so they can fulfill their destiny.
Here’s a bonus blessing, my ex-girlfriend, who I was willing to go to hell for, is happily married to a man and is about to celebrate her three-year anniversary. I had the pleasure of being the stylist for her and her matron of honor and celebrating with her at the wedding. We have been good friends for three years only by the grace of God.
REDEEMED AND FREED
What does being FREED mean to you?
Breaking every barrier I face to fully live out my purpose.
What are you FREED from?
I am FREED from homosexuality and promiscuity.
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