A FREED Testimony by Michelle L. Early
I did not know at the time that God was writing my testimony.
As I laid on that bed, confessing to my mother everything that my brother had done, I did not know that God was still writing the words to His story in my life and that these words would set me free.
What is a testimony?
A testimony is simply our personal story of God. Whether it is God’s deliverance, salvation, mercy, grace, etc., a testimony is our story of God showing up and working wonders in our lives. It does not have to be elaborate or similar to that of others; it just has to be ours. Also, we do not just get one testimony, and then that is it for the rest of our lives. As we live, God continues to write the words to various testimonies that we must share. Lastly, our testimonies are not for us; they are for others. Like the stories of the Bible, our stories of God are meant to be shared with others for encouragement and perpetual proof that our God is real and ever-present.
My first testimony- my first story of God- began long before I was born. It began long before I can even quantify, and it did not begin with me. God knew long before my ancestors were born that He would use my life in this specific way. No shade to God, but I wish He would have let me in on how difficult my story of Him would be. Maybe I could have prepared, maybe I could have braced myself, or maybe I could have run far away. I guess it is best that He did not tell me.
I am a survivor of childhood rape and molestation. I apologize for just blurting that out, but there is no right way or time to say that someone stole my innocence and voice in my youth. There is no appropriate way to say that the sibling who was tasked to care for me chose to violate the trust that was placed in him. There is no politically correct way to say that my first story of God came from surviving something where I wanted to take my life. All I can say is that every part of me thought my first story was going to be my last story, but God…
I remember going to the church houses when I was a child and watching all the people shout and cry and praise this Jesus. I had heard His name in my home a couple of times, but I did not really know Him for myself. I remember after confessing to my mom, she sent me to church heavily, believing that simply being in the building would free me. She was right, but she was also wrong; bless her heart.
As I sit here today, teacup in one hand and fingers hovered over the keyboard, I reflect on the goodness of our God. The things that happened to me in my youth were despicable, and I often prayed for God to take my life. Oftentimes, I tried to help Him with that request when I thought He was too busy to hear me. I did not want to feel the pains of this Earth, and each time He spoke to my heart, “My child, you are FREED from that, too.”
I can recall countless testimonies of God’s impact on my life, far more than I can state here. The truth is, as I live, God continues to write the words of my testimonies. One thing that I know, and two things are certain; God is intentional. Every tear that we shed, every battle that we overcome, all has a purpose in His kingdom. He is divine, and everything works together for His good (Romans 8:28). The greatest testimony of my life is that though sin, death, and despair wanted me, God saved me.
I would never encourage you to just “grin and bear” what you are facing. Depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues are real, and we must never dismiss their existence and effect on our lives. Help is readily available, and I wholeheartedly urge you to seek it if needed. However, today I pray with you and lovingly encourage you to sit with our Abba. The beauty of our continued time with Him is that He hears our words/cries and responds by sending His Holy Spirit to comfort us in our time of need. As we face trials, we can hold His hand tighter and allow Him to carry us through whatever we may be facing.
Beloved, whatever the specific words of your testimony may be, know this- it is a story of God, and He has set us free (John 8:36). And because of that, it is a FREED testimony.
What does being FREED mean to you?
It means that I am no longer bound to the things/ways/ideals that once held me. In Christ, I have life and liberty.
What are you FREED from?
I am FREED from depression and anxiety. I am FREED from the pressure of conformity. I am FREED from my own limitations.
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