Earlier this year, I wrote a lamentation. Wow. It speaks to what we need… help.
Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord; Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.
My father is homeless. He is hopeless. He is suffering.
Depressed, mocked, shamed, and looked down upon. God, no one deserves this. Is my father unworthy of a smile or a conversation now that he is homeless?
He is homeless, yes, but he is worthy of being treated as a human being. Help!
My father needs you, Lord! Bring strength and courage, God. Strength. Courage. Comfort. God, help my father get back on his feet.
Help him rebuild his life from the ground up. Align his heart to yours, Lord.
My heart aches. Day after day, my thoughts are consumed with whether he has shelter and food. Do you hear my cries, God? Do you see my heartache, God?
I worry whether breakthrough will ever happen. Am I losing hope? Hope for a breakthrough? Enough is enough.
My father’s heart aches. Night after night, his thoughts are consumed with whether continuing to live is worth it.
Do you hear him weeping, God? Do you see him physically and emotionally suffering, God? He worries whether he will ever be stable. He is losing hope. Losing hope for stability.
Enough is enough.
He has more life in him, God. Please make this known. We need you, Lord. We need a breakthrough to happen.
Thank you for taking this problem into your very own hands, Lord.
I believe in your truth, your love, and your grace. I believe in your plan and your path.
Thank you for seeing the depths of my father’s and my hearts and hearing our cries for mercy.
Who knew what 2020 would offer? I didn’t. Although, this is not what I expected. Quarantine has been difficult for me emotionally. Several visits have been ripped away. Several plans have been changed. And the anxiety that I thought had disappeared, reappeared.
My father is homeless and has been for a couple of years now. Having a homeless father has been as much of a learning curve as it has been a difficult curve to overcome. It is a learning curve in the sense that I have experienced discrimination against myself and being around my father in public. A learning curve where people who would otherwise say hello, smile, or wave in passing now clutch their purse, avoid coming near you or looking at you, or ignore you entirely, making you feel less than you are. A learning curve to not take anything for granted because there are several people, including my father, who do not have a home to go to, food to eat, places to shower, and more. In terms of the current pandemic, quarantine has impacted homeless communities drastically, including my father. Quarantine heightened the difficulty of surviving on the street and heightened one’s chances of catching COVID-19. Personally, quarantine has caused an overwhelming bout of anxiety to make sure my father is staying as clean as he can…
to make sure he is still managing to find food despite so many restaurants, stores, and areas closing… to make sure he finds a safe spot to hide out while curfews are in place.
While my husband and I have been safe, there are so many people who have not had the luxury of being safe and making ends meet. Getting all the puppy cuddles from our Golden Retriever and embarking on a reading binge has been great; however, knowing that my father is struggling during quarantine has made this time even more of a nightmare. He has nowhere to go during quarantine but roam the streets.
Personally, it has been hard to completely feel at ease during quarantine with all that 2020 is throwing our way. This quarantine has taught me once again that everyone is worthy of a “hello” and a smile. Everyone is worthy of taking the time to be kind, and everyone is worthy of help, no matter what. No one has any clue what someone else is going through and vice versa. This quarantine has taught me to continue putting others first… to stay home when you can, to wear a mask when you are out, and to leave goods for others… to put others’ health and well-being above your own because quite frankly, there is plenty to go around… plenty of kindness… plenty of joy… plenty of necessities… and plenty to get by with us all working together. We need each other to get through this.
Clinging to God during this time has been my light in the dark world. Although my father is homeless and quarantine stopped frequent visits, God is providing, and He is working. God has not only helped keep my father safe thus far, but He has put specific people in my life who are in the area my father is to help him. He has softened their hearts to acknowledge what is happening and to love their neighbor. Along with this, I have seen God working in my father’s heart. My father has acknowledged time and time again, he feels that people are looking out for him. More specifically, that people are “blessing” him. Blessing him with food, with a new shirt or new shoes, with kindness and more when he needs it most. For example, one day he desperately needed a new pair of socks, and someone blessed him with them shortly after! Knowing that God is providing and knowing that He is working through my father brings joy and light in the midst of so much darkness.
My lamentation rings true today just as it did beginning 2020. What else rings true are God’s promises and His love and care for His children. Thank you, God.
This journal entree was featured in Issue V: The Quarantine – read the entire issue for free: Click HERE!